Derek Coleman’s quest to save the planet.

Black Bull 5:15 pm.

Derek walked into the pub and glanced around, nodding at the regulars, and unexpectedly seeing Dave, Derek walks over to their usual seat next to the quiz machine,

“Where the fuck have you been? I’ve got you a Stella, what’s this about Derek? I’ve been here ages”

Derek looked at Dave’s pint, about an inch empty, and calculated that Dave had been here about 2 minutes. “Work stuff, if anyone asks, your wife’s dead” replied Derek.

Dave picked up his pint “God rest her soul, she just couldn’t handle the size of my cock, look what is going on Derek, I’ve got a business to run, dreams to fulfil, it’s a 5p listing day and I am here buying you drink, so talk.”
“Cheers” Derek takes a good swig of his beer and fixes Dave with his best “listen to me” stare.
“Listen to me Dave, I’ve figured it out, I know what to do, I know what needs to be done to save the planet, and I need your help.” And swallows another mouthful of stella.
“Save the planet from who Derek?”
“Ourselves Dave, ourselves.”
Dave put’s down his pint and fixes Derek with his best “What the fuck are you talking about” stare
“What the fuck are you talking about Derek? Have you turned into Bob Geldof or Saint bloody you know, fuck thingy or something?”
“I believe he was the patron saint of idiots, but no, I haven’t, its just clicked this morning, I know what needs to be done to stop the planet from imploding on itself due to greed, pollution, poverty, and corruption, the whole lot, it’s a piss a piece of piss, all I need is somebody who knows about E-bay.” Derek finishes his pint. “You got a fiver? I’ll get the beers in and I’ll explain”
With pursed lips Dave passes Derek a tenner, “get a couple in, sounds like its going to be a session.”
As Derek walks to the bar Dave sips his beer and contemplates the obvious piss take that Derek is trying to pull on him, a decides to play along until he can think of a counter piss take that will earn him mucho man points against Derek. Swilling the dregs of his pint around his glass Dave takes in the bar, the usual piss heads and after work drinkers were in, he looked at Derek carrying the 4 pints back to the table with wide grin on his face and thought “Your not getting the better of me tonight Coleman, you want to be weird? I’ll out weird you”

“Cheers Derek, lovely, I’ve been thinking, that idea, genius, bring down E-Bay, send the world into an economic melt down, I’m in”

Derek sets down the drinks and sits opposite Dave “What? No. No that’s not what I am talking about, have you had an epiphany today? No. so listen. Shut up and listen.”

“We are going to auction the planet.”

Continues next week.

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