Welcome to Ask the Fucking Professor.

I suspect that a ‘half moon’ is a result of my eyebeams having to travel so far (and back again), that the latency results in me thinking there’s only ‘half’ a moon. But how does that explain a full moon?
hansisland

Wrong wrong wrong.

How come you told me that the tablet alone would fix the problem, but even with that AND the cream I still have itching and inflammation?
Bill

The symptoms you described to me would of been cured by the single tablet, however I have looked deeper into medical and social life, and you were less than geniune with all your symptoms, if you had I could have told you that your only course of action would of been amputation.

Why do I always feel the need to make such a tit of myself?
Bill

Ah, I suspect anybody who reads my answers already knows the answer to this, altogether now -

Basically you hate yourself.

Its not you, its your subconcious, learn to be wary of its influence, rememeber that its in for the long game, what may be a simple decision that could not possibly do you harm may be in fact the catalyst of your demise.

How come we’re all so worried about a little pederastism? What’s the big fucking deal? I say bring back the old days when good clean rape was a comedy taboo topic in itself - why must we incorporate minors to make jokes controversial enough to be worthy of regard?
Bill

Times change, I can remember when discussing a female sex organ was enough to get a laugh, these days you have call yourself “Richard Cunt” just to be considered slightly funny. Of course I have an answer for you, but it would not be considered funny for at least another 10 years.

Tonight on a very special episode of Blossom. If you have a question for the Professor, send an email to Professor@ObscureInternet.com or post it in the forum.