Ask the Fucking Professor

Welcome to Ask the Fucking Professor. If you have a question or a problem that cannot be answered by anyone, do not despair, you can always Ask the Professor! If Professor Lazarus can’t find the answer then there probably isn’t one.

Where have I been for the last 4 months…..?!?!?
nic

It appears you have fallen foul of what is commonly called the “Life effect” in which you spend more time with friends and generally enjoing yourself than you do speaking shite to strangers on a internet discussion board.
There are ways to ween yourself of this “Life effect” start by calling of your friends and informing them that you can no longer partake in life and having a co-dependant relationship is not what you need right now.
Also quitting your job will give you a much needed “Interweb Time” boost.

Drop me a mail, I have some leaflets on support groups in your area.

Why do old photographs of ourselves look so odd or funny?
GLeN

I have ran several hundred checks with various historical acadamies across the globe as well as speaking to Proffessor Alan Beardback who is lead consultant on phototronical science and they have all confirmed that yours is a unique case. Most people just look younger, but yours, holy shit. I can recomend a good head doctor to discuss your blatantly troubled youth.

Why is that every time I get the bus someone fat who has a b.o. problem that they cover with copius amounts of aftershave/perfume always sits next to me?
Mamma Jamma

How can I stop them from doing this so I don’t have to suffer a bus ride with the constant thought if having to hurl in my handbag?

Well, the quick answer here is to rustle your hair, wear an old cardincan and dowse yourself in cats piss before you get on the bus. Attack is the only form defence for these wierdo’s.
Or carry a large backpack with an alarm clock strapped to the side an put it on the seat next to you, whenever anyone looks as if they want to sit down stare wildy at them shaiking your head and mouth “its not mine”

Better safe than salmonella. If you have a question for the Professor, send an email to Professor@ObscureInternet.com or post it in the forum. 

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